The Importance of Ethical Adoption

The article from CNN highlights the importance of ethical adoption. I’m sad for Allie and for her family but the possibility that there might be a woman in Guatemala missing her daughter is frightening. As difficult as the situation is, I appreciate that the US Government is asking some tough questions to be sure that the adoption is legitimate. Although I'm not sure as to why 13 years later is is still an unresolved issue (timeliness isn't a US Government forte).

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/07/11/guatemalan.adoption/index.html

It’s a heart-wrenching situation for all parties involved and a reminder to adoptive parents to ask the hard questions ahead of time and to choose agencies and programs carefully. In our desire to have a family, we can’t be blind to the rights of the birth families and the children.

Lauren

On the Upswing

We’re heading back to life’s middle ground again, or actually more towards really good ground. After two weeks of searching, obsessive worrying, long nights of walking the woods to set traps, various trapped raccoons and possums, run-ins with foxes, swarms of neighborhood cats invading our deck looking for a free meal, and Alex’s broken ribs (yes, he fell and broke ribs looking for the cat), we had what can only be described as Divine Intervention or the Christmas Miracle 5 months early. Figby got hungry enough to get into a trap and we found her on Friday morning. We are so incredibly happy to have her home and although she was stressed in the trap, it took her between 20 and 30 seconds upon arriving home to figure out where she was and that life in our home is great. She seems so happy and almost relieved to be back as are we to have her. Alex took her to the vet on July 4th and she’s in good shape. She’s a little skinny, had a fever and a few ticks (the vet said the two were unrelated) and now she’s plumping up and eating like a champ. Her very sweet personality is coming back too and she follows us everywhere. She also slept the better part of her first two days home and we’re thinking she didn’t sleep much in the two weeks she was away (one eye open watching for foxes). Thank you to everyone that said kitty prayers for her. We know it played a role in her coming home and we are very thankful.

Alex’s Uncle JC is doing okay too. They discharged him from the hospital to the rehab center post-surgery but it was too early and he’s back at the hospital. He’s getting very good care and is healing well but it’s a long road back from cardiac surgery. He’s in great spirits and very motivated to get better every day.

So we can focus on celebrating Baby JH’s homecoming. Our feelings and emotions are running the spectrum from exhilarated to nervous to sad. We’re thinking a lot about his birth family and wondering if and when our paths will cross in the future. It’s our hope that we’ll find each other. In the mean time, we’ll honor them as part of our family and keep the door open. We’re also thinking about and talking about Baby JH’s foster family. We’re so happy to finally head to Seoul but we know that this is a difficult time for them as they separate from this little boy that has been part of their family for 5 months. We’re looking forward to meeting them and expressing our gratitude in person.

We’ll post pictures from Seoul. Thanks to so many of you who have helped us arrive at this moment. In all sincerity, it takes a village and we’re happy to have you as part of ours.

Lauren

A Study in Extremes

We have so much to be thankful for but we’re having a rough week. Nothing seems to be middle of the road, everything feels very intense and overwhelming. I’m tough and I realize that sometimes life is too but here’s what we’re dealing with:

Great news for us, Baby JH’s travel papers arrived. We were floored since our agency had said not to expect to travel before August 1. So his papers came about 6 weeks early (7 weeks since referral) and we’re trying to catch up. We both have work obligations that we can’t avoid so we’re flying on July 14^th to Seoul to meet our son. I have an avalanche of emotions ranging from excitement to anxiety. Really hard to share so I’ll just say that I’m so excited to meet him and so incredibly eager to begin our lives together. I’m also terrified at the same time.

While I was at a very high-pressure business meeting for a few days, Alex’s uncle had a heart attack and is now in the hospital. He has no children and has never been married so in terms of local family, we’re it. We love him dearly and he’s scheduled for surgery tomorrow so we’re hoping he does well. He’s planning to be back in his home in less than a week (he’s on meds at the hospital) so we’re trying to be supportive and flexible. He’ll be in a rehab center after surgery for a bit to help him get back on his feet. We’re not sure he can live by himself for a while after the surgery but we won’t know anything for at least a week or so. Alex is working hard to manage his uncle’s house too which is no small feat.

Construction on the house continues. Every thing we own is currently in the living room. Complete chaos and we’re in a bit of a panic since our timeframe for completion just got moved up. No baby furniture in sight, still thinking late August/early-September. Think borrowed Pack & Play subbing for a crib in the mean time.

I’m experiencing a less-than-supportive environment at work with the announcement of my FMLA schedule. They’ve had plenty of warning but from the referral to now, it’s been rough. You know, I never thought I’d experience any kind of negative feedback, especially since I truly love my job and work very hard but…do we really still punish women for taking time off to start their families? Ugh, I had no idea.

Worst news yet, one of our beloved kitties escaped a week ago Friday. She’s still in the area (in the woods across from our house) but we’re blanketing the neighborhood with flyers, walking the woods at night, using humane traps to try to catch her. We had a sighting of her last night. She’s terrified and ran from Alex but there was also a fox very close by. We’re heartbroken and can think of little else. She’s very special and we miss her terribly.

This is the nutshell version but we’re struggling. Alex and I have been talking (and taking turns propping each other up) and we realized that what actually feels like terrible luck is really good luck in disguise. First and foremost, our son is coming home. We are finally going to be together plus we’re traveling to Seoul to meet his foster family (what a blessing). Alex’s uncle figured out that he wasn’t feeling well and got to the hospital in time to receive excellent care and have a good prognosis. We’re so lucky that he didn’t ignore these symptoms and he’s with us today because of that. I’m thankful that I have a job that I love. I also received an invitation from another organization that I respect very much to apply with them. It would be more money and closer to home. And finally, we have two weeks to search for our kitty. We’re working hard to find her every day but Alex did see her last night so we know she’s alive. As long as she’s alive, there’s hope. We’re going to be as positive as we can and we’re not giving up on her.

It sounds like I'm complaining, doesn't it? I don't mean to, it's just been a horrible/terrific week. I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I realize that I have a tremendous amount to be thankful for. But please, if you pray, say a little prayer that our kitty finds her way home. We could use all the help we can get. It might sound silly to some of you but we can’t imagine our family without her.

Thank you so much,

Lauren

Transracial Adoption - Must Read

Hi Everyone,

Harlow's Monkey has a great post encouraging discussion of race issues and parenting. Jae Ran Kim is the author and she's simply amazing. I've learned so much from her blog and would love the chance to see her speak in-person.

Her thoughtful article is here:

http://harlowmonkey.typepad.com/harlows_monkey/2008/06/race-matters-wh.html

Lauren

Our Happy Coincidence

Jamie signed his offer and is leaving for Seoul most likely at the end of the summer. Such good news and we're so proud of him. It has to be scary, picking up your life and moving to a country where don't know the language. I think he's very brave and I admire him for making the move. He's ordered some Korean language CDs from the local library. He's also looking into the ex-pat blog community to see about establishing some connections there (he has a writing/music/political blog).

It's strange how this worked out. He never set out to find a job in Korea but...that's what happened. Out of all of the countries where he could have gone, not to mention the possibilities within the U.S., the fact that he's heading to Seoul is amazing. We never imagined that this would happen but we are so happy this opportunity came about.

So he'll spend the summer wrapping up the details. He's figuring out what he wants to buy to take with him and what he can buy in Seoul. My initial response was wait until you get to Seoul (my thinking was big city, great shopping) but he posted a question on a blog community yesterday: "If I'm a 6'1" man and wear a size 12 shoe, will I be able to buy clothes in Seoul?" He said he received some really nice responses but the answer was definitely "buy before you get here." Really helpful information and I never would have thought of it but I'm not 6'1".

On a purely selfish level, I'm happy for our son and for the connection that I hope he'll have to his uncle. It looks like we'll miss each other in Seoul though as our travel date will probably be end of July/1st week of August.

Congratulations Jamie on this new beginning!

Lauren

Another Family Member in Seoul!

We’ve got great news to share! My brother James is in his final stages of finding a new job and guess where we think he’s going to be? Seoul, South Korea! I can’t even tell you how excited we are and he may even beat us there as we don’t know when we’re traveling to meet Baby JH (we think late-July/early-August).

Jamie (I’m the only one allowed to call him that) didn’t live in Seoul with us because he was born after we moved back to the States. In fact, he’s one of the reasons we moved back when we did as my mom was pregnant with him at the time. I remember blaming him for that when he was a baby too, umm, sorry about that Jamie. The fact that he’ll get to experience Korea as an adult and be able to have this connection to his new nephew is wonderful. He didn’t set out to find a job there and it was pure crazy coincidence, but very happy coincidence! He seems really excited about it too.

On some level, Korea must seem familiar to him. He grew up with Korean culture all around him in our home (as much as we as a family were able to embrace since we were obviously just visitors there). It was a country that my father absolutely loved and still does. But Jamie has never experienced it and his experience as an adult will be different than mine or my father’s. We are simply thrilled for him.

He might be peeved with me that I’m posting this before he’s signed an offer but I’m so happy about it that I’m going to share it anyway. None of his friends read my blog so it’s not like I’m stealing his thunder of announcing a new job.

Good Luck Jamie! We’re pulling for you! And we can’t wait to visit you in Seoul!

Lauren

Working from Home

I'm working from home today, or studying from home since I had a drs. appointment this morning. It's been a busy day! So far we've had sushi for lunch:

And now we're going to spend some time studying molecular biology:

And we're going to take some time to work on our blog too:



Not sure why I'm always behind on work and school....sorry but I needed something light today.

Lauren