Everyone Needs One of These….(How to Lose your Mind over Baby Stuff)

We’re madly planning for James Hayoung to come home and in reading other bloggers thoughts about this period in their adoption plan (post-referral/pre-arrival) there’s a common theme….chaos. Actually chaos coupled with confusion. Suddenly we’re making a ton of decisions but we’re making them based on a baby that we haven’t met yet. And all of these decisions seem incredibly important when you’re standing in the Mega Baby Store!

For example, let’s consider the following equation:

James is 6 months old now
+
James’ child study was completed at 4 months of age
+
James is a preemie so he’s age-adjusted by about 8 weeks
+
James will be about 9 months old when he arrives home
=

Does James need a Baby Bumbo?

A newborn is a known quantity and comes with a certain skill set in a certain size range. Adopted children arrive all over the milestone and size map. Apparently the list of baby essentials is long and complicated and it only gets more complicated when you speak to salespeople (sorry salespeople, but it’s true). It leaves us both wondering if we really need all of this stuff. Could it all be just a giant scam (similar to the wedding scam where people try to convince you that your guests need a plastic swan with your names on it as a "favor")?

So Alex and I reluctantly visited the Mega Baby Store to figure out what we need. My head hurt instantly and there was a large sucking sound in the vicinity of my wallet. Alex simply looked vacant.

I should mention that we’re responsible people with an aversion to the mass marketing of baby stuff and we want to err on the side of simple/safe. We don’t need cute, we don’t need plastic, we don’t need a character stamped on everything, we need safe/functional. We’re not buying into the tons of useless crap that seems to come with kids. We are immune to anyone that says “you aren’t a good parent if you don’t have a wipe warmer” (Seriously, there is such a thing). We won’t even talk to the sales people about the non-essential stuff until we pick out our car seats. Safety first, folks. We don’t care about cute.

Here is what we came home with (the only thing we came home with):

Cutest. Thing. Ever. The best part is that it sings songs too (although I’ve been warned that I will reach the point where I take the batteries out).

Oh, and we still need car seats.

More on Baby James' Name

Alex has been sharing the news of our referral with anyone who will stop long enough to listen and look at pictures (a very large email was sent out to his friends and colleagues apparently). It's very sweet that he's so excited to be a dad and between the two of us we've been consumed with signing papers and getting a handle on everything we need to do before we travel to meet James.

Alex has several Korean colleagues and was sharing the news of our adoption referral with them this week. One colleague (born in Korea and immigrated to the U.S. with his family when he was a kid) is incredibly generous and has offered to help us find connections within the Korean community in which he's very active. Alex was explaining our desire to help James stay connected to his Korean heritage and the subject of James' name came up.

In our referral, James is listed with a Korean family name and with a given name. They are written, as is proper in Korea, with the family name first and the given name second: Family Name, Given Name. Kind of a last name first if you compare it to how we write our names in the U.S. But we're assuming the family name that's listed isn't really his but is something that's given by SWS (privacy issues). We anticipated, as mentioned in an earlier post, keeping his given name as his middle name. Our reasoning, correct or not, was that this is the name his birth parents gave to him. I felt much more of an attachment to his given name for those reasons. I can't imagine that he would grow up and really care about a name that an agency might have assigned to him.

When Alex told his colleague James' full Korean name, the colleague was really happy because he said "oh, if he's a XXX, that's great! That's such a prestigious family name in Korea! You have to keep that as part of his name if you're going to keep a Korean name for him." This colleague was actually able to explain the stereotypical characteristics of people that have this family name noting to Alex that boys with this name are very even tempered but girls you "have to be careful about." He went on to discuss how important the family names are and that everything is ranked on the family name. He very enthusiastically encouraged us to drop the given name and keep the family name.

When Alex came home later and we talked about it, the conversation made me really sad. I was happy that we have another contact to the Korean community but sad to hear the importance that's placed on family names. Assigning characteristics to a group of people that numbers in the millions based on a name seems silly to me but culturally this is something that we don't really have in the U.S. Are all XXX boys even tempered? I doubt it. It's like saying every male with Smith as a last name is even tempered. Plus the conversation was a reminder that with the importance placed on the family name (father's name), single moms and babies born out of marriage in Korea have a long road ahead of them.

So my plan now is to find out exactly who provided what names to this baby that we'll call James. Whatever his birth parents gave him, we'll keep. The connection to them is what matters to us and hopefully will be what matters to him someday. On the other hand, if XXX is James' real family name and there's truth to the stereotypes, we've really lucked out because we've been referred a very even-tempered and intelligent child!

We'll keep you posted!

Lauren

Visit the Korean Embassy!

Hi Everyone,

There is a very interesting opportunity coming up at the Korean Embassy! KORUS House is hosting this on May 17th as part of the Around the World Open House:

KORUS House, Embassy of the Republic of Korea
Time: 10 am – 4 pm
Location: 2370 Massachusetts Avenue, NW
Metro: Dupont Circle (Red line)
Admission: Free For more info: www.koreaembassy.org

Master Han J. Do and 20 traditional Korean martial arts performers will demonstrate Taekwondo and teach moves to children. View the exhibition Traditional Korean Archery and film, and tour the embassy’s museum filled with traditional musical instruments and Korean artifacts. Take advantage of a rare photo opportunity alongside a painted fence, which promotes a long life.

There are lots of embassys participating and you can view the complete list at:

http://www.culturaltourismdc.org/calendar2532/calendar_show.htm?doc_id=311539

This activity is a nice reminder of the wealth of cultural opportunities we have available to us in Washington, DC!

Lauren