Bindaedeok (Korean Vegetable Pancakes)

There was a request from a friend for the Bindaedeok recipe we made for a dinner party recently. It’s from the November 2004 issue of Gourmet Magazine. You can lots of variations online and you can find dried mung beans in any Korean grocery store.

These were great and the dipping sauce is a must!

Here is the link to the recipe we used:

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/230986

Sorry the post is a bit tardy but enjoy!

Lauren

What do the Labels Mean?

A couple of weeks ago, Alex and I attended a conference on adoption issues. It’s an event our adoption agency hosts every year and this year’s conference theme was the role of birthparents in the adoption triad. We enjoyed the conference very much and it was terrific to see other friends we’ve made in the community. While all of the sessions and speakers were excellent, the highlight of our day was a session regarding the international birthparent experienced hosted by a delegation from Social Welfare Services (SWS) in Seoul, Korea. Traveling with the delegation from SWS was a birth mother who placed her child for adoption through the SWS system. A child that she hoped would be adopted by a Korean family but was eventually adopted by a family in the U.S. I won’t share her story out of respect of her privacy but I will say that she is brave beyond what I have words to measure or express.

As prospective adoptive parents, we are fortunate to work with an agency that recognizes the importance of the role and rights of birth parents. In our own research, we've sought out books, blogs and other opportunities to hear the voice of birth parents but we never really formulated a complete idea of who a birth parent is. The chance to hear from birth parents first-hand, in an environment that fostered respectful dialogue, is an experience that will stay with us.

Within our community there is a huge emphasis on labels. We like to group people by where they fall in the adoption framework complete with the respective stereotype and most likely an acronym. We talk about ourselves and others as “birth parents”, “first parents”, “adoptive parents”, “prospective adoptive parents”, “adoptees”, “adult adoptees”, “Korean adult adoptees”, etc. What do those labels mean?

We lose something in the translation when all we see is the label. The opportunity to meet this young woman from Korea reminds me that beyond the labels are real people who have had an incredible breadth of experiences that have led them to adoption. Rarely are the stories simple and they are never devoid of emotion. Looking beyond the labels and stereotypes makes us better, no matter what group we include ourselves in. Our story isn’t simple but our experiences have brought us here. We’re “waiting parents”.

The $64,000 Question

Many of our friends and some of our family members have been cautiously asking about our adoption plans lately. It’s okay to ask us what’s going on! We’re not going to crumple up and boo-hoo if you bring it up. Well, I might crumple up and boo-hoo but it’s probably related to work or our home remodel vs. our adoption. Really, we’re happy to answer questions although we may not have definite answers.

So the next question is “When?” Well, we’re not really sure. We submitted our dossier to Korea in late-August/early-September of 2007. When we began the Korean adoption process, the timeframe from submission to referral was 3-4 months. Now it’s more like 6-8 months from submission to referral and it’s also taking a bit longer from referral to travel. Alex just recently attended a waiting parents meeting at our adoption agency and now they’re revising their timelines again. They’re telling prospective a-parents that from time of submission of dossiers to Korea to the time of bringing a baby home, expect 12 months.

These delays are actually a positive thing, believe it or not. In 2007, the Korean Government began an initiative to encourage domestic adoption in Korea. Now, no child can be considered for inter-country adoption until they are 5 months old. I agree with the premise and I’m encouraged that Korean families are adopting children rather than send them from the country of their birth. But it’s far more complex than it sounds. Korea is working to affect what amounts to significant cultural change, removing the long-standing stigma of adoption, among other issues.

The discouraging part was that now that the 5 month rule has been a reality for a year, Alex was told at this recent meeting that referrals are still being made when babies are 2-4 months old. That can’t be confirmed but age information arriving with referrals is missing or incomplete and there are “delays” until the child is 5 months old. I was confused since I thought the whole point was to not “earmark” children for international adoption and to allow Korean families a chance to commit to these babies. Korean families are adopting children at birth. Babies that aren’t adopted domestically within a very small window of time are still placed in the foster system. At that point, it doesn't appear that Korean families are considering these children (or is it that these children aren't offered for consideration?). This results in referrals still being made for international adoption early but the result could be that the baby is in foster care longer. I’m sure this isn't the intent of the domestic adoption program so I was a little discouraged to hear this information. It kind of defeats the purpose but I’m interested to hear what others might have heard. Again, I should say that this information is difficult to confirm and is only what I’m hearing from our agency, not the adoption community at-large.

But that still doesn’t tell you when, does it? We’re hoping (really hoping) to have a baby referred to us late this Spring. When we would travel is an unknown. It’s difficult to predict and planning for things like work commitments, vacations, etc. takes on a new dimension. Alex and I are planning to run the Rock n’ Roll Half-Marathon in Virginia Beach again on Labor Day weekend. When making our reservations I realized that speaking optimistically Baby P. won’t be able to stay alone while we leave for a 13.1 mile jaunt. Hmmm, how do I book a babysitter in another city for a child we don’t have yet? I’m not sure we could find a sitter for a 5:30 a.m. arrival, plus we haven’t even addressed the issue of leaving a newly adopted baby (or any child, for that matter) with a stranger. Ack! So we booked a suite and asked a close friend to join us there for the weekend. By the end of that weekend, said friend will no longer want to ever vacation with anyone who has children and may not want any children of their own.

The last question we’ve been asked is if we still want to stay in the Korean adoption program. That’s an easy answer: Yes! When we chose to begin our family with adoption, we chose Korea because of an affinity to the country and passion for the culture that I’ve had since childhood. This choice had far more to do with the personal connection and a desire to adopt a child than with viewing a grid and looking at which country had the shortest expected timeframes. We’re encouraged to see the changes that Korea is making and we’re going to support those changes, even if it means our wait is longer.

Thanks for checking in. I'll be adding some links/resources regarding adoption and maybe a few about Korean culture, especially food, since we've gotten some of those types of questions as well:). If you have things you'd like to share too, let me know.