The $64,000 Question

Many of our friends and some of our family members have been cautiously asking about our adoption plans lately. It’s okay to ask us what’s going on! We’re not going to crumple up and boo-hoo if you bring it up. Well, I might crumple up and boo-hoo but it’s probably related to work or our home remodel vs. our adoption. Really, we’re happy to answer questions although we may not have definite answers.

So the next question is “When?” Well, we’re not really sure. We submitted our dossier to Korea in late-August/early-September of 2007. When we began the Korean adoption process, the timeframe from submission to referral was 3-4 months. Now it’s more like 6-8 months from submission to referral and it’s also taking a bit longer from referral to travel. Alex just recently attended a waiting parents meeting at our adoption agency and now they’re revising their timelines again. They’re telling prospective a-parents that from time of submission of dossiers to Korea to the time of bringing a baby home, expect 12 months.

These delays are actually a positive thing, believe it or not. In 2007, the Korean Government began an initiative to encourage domestic adoption in Korea. Now, no child can be considered for inter-country adoption until they are 5 months old. I agree with the premise and I’m encouraged that Korean families are adopting children rather than send them from the country of their birth. But it’s far more complex than it sounds. Korea is working to affect what amounts to significant cultural change, removing the long-standing stigma of adoption, among other issues.

The discouraging part was that now that the 5 month rule has been a reality for a year, Alex was told at this recent meeting that referrals are still being made when babies are 2-4 months old. That can’t be confirmed but age information arriving with referrals is missing or incomplete and there are “delays” until the child is 5 months old. I was confused since I thought the whole point was to not “earmark” children for international adoption and to allow Korean families a chance to commit to these babies. Korean families are adopting children at birth. Babies that aren’t adopted domestically within a very small window of time are still placed in the foster system. At that point, it doesn't appear that Korean families are considering these children (or is it that these children aren't offered for consideration?). This results in referrals still being made for international adoption early but the result could be that the baby is in foster care longer. I’m sure this isn't the intent of the domestic adoption program so I was a little discouraged to hear this information. It kind of defeats the purpose but I’m interested to hear what others might have heard. Again, I should say that this information is difficult to confirm and is only what I’m hearing from our agency, not the adoption community at-large.

But that still doesn’t tell you when, does it? We’re hoping (really hoping) to have a baby referred to us late this Spring. When we would travel is an unknown. It’s difficult to predict and planning for things like work commitments, vacations, etc. takes on a new dimension. Alex and I are planning to run the Rock n’ Roll Half-Marathon in Virginia Beach again on Labor Day weekend. When making our reservations I realized that speaking optimistically Baby P. won’t be able to stay alone while we leave for a 13.1 mile jaunt. Hmmm, how do I book a babysitter in another city for a child we don’t have yet? I’m not sure we could find a sitter for a 5:30 a.m. arrival, plus we haven’t even addressed the issue of leaving a newly adopted baby (or any child, for that matter) with a stranger. Ack! So we booked a suite and asked a close friend to join us there for the weekend. By the end of that weekend, said friend will no longer want to ever vacation with anyone who has children and may not want any children of their own.

The last question we’ve been asked is if we still want to stay in the Korean adoption program. That’s an easy answer: Yes! When we chose to begin our family with adoption, we chose Korea because of an affinity to the country and passion for the culture that I’ve had since childhood. This choice had far more to do with the personal connection and a desire to adopt a child than with viewing a grid and looking at which country had the shortest expected timeframes. We’re encouraged to see the changes that Korea is making and we’re going to support those changes, even if it means our wait is longer.

Thanks for checking in. I'll be adding some links/resources regarding adoption and maybe a few about Korean culture, especially food, since we've gotten some of those types of questions as well:). If you have things you'd like to share too, let me know.