What do the Labels Mean?

A couple of weeks ago, Alex and I attended a conference on adoption issues. It’s an event our adoption agency hosts every year and this year’s conference theme was the role of birthparents in the adoption triad. We enjoyed the conference very much and it was terrific to see other friends we’ve made in the community. While all of the sessions and speakers were excellent, the highlight of our day was a session regarding the international birthparent experienced hosted by a delegation from Social Welfare Services (SWS) in Seoul, Korea. Traveling with the delegation from SWS was a birth mother who placed her child for adoption through the SWS system. A child that she hoped would be adopted by a Korean family but was eventually adopted by a family in the U.S. I won’t share her story out of respect of her privacy but I will say that she is brave beyond what I have words to measure or express.

As prospective adoptive parents, we are fortunate to work with an agency that recognizes the importance of the role and rights of birth parents. In our own research, we've sought out books, blogs and other opportunities to hear the voice of birth parents but we never really formulated a complete idea of who a birth parent is. The chance to hear from birth parents first-hand, in an environment that fostered respectful dialogue, is an experience that will stay with us.

Within our community there is a huge emphasis on labels. We like to group people by where they fall in the adoption framework complete with the respective stereotype and most likely an acronym. We talk about ourselves and others as “birth parents”, “first parents”, “adoptive parents”, “prospective adoptive parents”, “adoptees”, “adult adoptees”, “Korean adult adoptees”, etc. What do those labels mean?

We lose something in the translation when all we see is the label. The opportunity to meet this young woman from Korea reminds me that beyond the labels are real people who have had an incredible breadth of experiences that have led them to adoption. Rarely are the stories simple and they are never devoid of emotion. Looking beyond the labels and stereotypes makes us better, no matter what group we include ourselves in. Our story isn’t simple but our experiences have brought us here. We’re “waiting parents”.