A Study in Extremes

We have so much to be thankful for but we’re having a rough week. Nothing seems to be middle of the road, everything feels very intense and overwhelming. I’m tough and I realize that sometimes life is too but here’s what we’re dealing with:

Great news for us, Baby JH’s travel papers arrived. We were floored since our agency had said not to expect to travel before August 1. So his papers came about 6 weeks early (7 weeks since referral) and we’re trying to catch up. We both have work obligations that we can’t avoid so we’re flying on July 14^th to Seoul to meet our son. I have an avalanche of emotions ranging from excitement to anxiety. Really hard to share so I’ll just say that I’m so excited to meet him and so incredibly eager to begin our lives together. I’m also terrified at the same time.

While I was at a very high-pressure business meeting for a few days, Alex’s uncle had a heart attack and is now in the hospital. He has no children and has never been married so in terms of local family, we’re it. We love him dearly and he’s scheduled for surgery tomorrow so we’re hoping he does well. He’s planning to be back in his home in less than a week (he’s on meds at the hospital) so we’re trying to be supportive and flexible. He’ll be in a rehab center after surgery for a bit to help him get back on his feet. We’re not sure he can live by himself for a while after the surgery but we won’t know anything for at least a week or so. Alex is working hard to manage his uncle’s house too which is no small feat.

Construction on the house continues. Every thing we own is currently in the living room. Complete chaos and we’re in a bit of a panic since our timeframe for completion just got moved up. No baby furniture in sight, still thinking late August/early-September. Think borrowed Pack & Play subbing for a crib in the mean time.

I’m experiencing a less-than-supportive environment at work with the announcement of my FMLA schedule. They’ve had plenty of warning but from the referral to now, it’s been rough. You know, I never thought I’d experience any kind of negative feedback, especially since I truly love my job and work very hard but…do we really still punish women for taking time off to start their families? Ugh, I had no idea.

Worst news yet, one of our beloved kitties escaped a week ago Friday. She’s still in the area (in the woods across from our house) but we’re blanketing the neighborhood with flyers, walking the woods at night, using humane traps to try to catch her. We had a sighting of her last night. She’s terrified and ran from Alex but there was also a fox very close by. We’re heartbroken and can think of little else. She’s very special and we miss her terribly.

This is the nutshell version but we’re struggling. Alex and I have been talking (and taking turns propping each other up) and we realized that what actually feels like terrible luck is really good luck in disguise. First and foremost, our son is coming home. We are finally going to be together plus we’re traveling to Seoul to meet his foster family (what a blessing). Alex’s uncle figured out that he wasn’t feeling well and got to the hospital in time to receive excellent care and have a good prognosis. We’re so lucky that he didn’t ignore these symptoms and he’s with us today because of that. I’m thankful that I have a job that I love. I also received an invitation from another organization that I respect very much to apply with them. It would be more money and closer to home. And finally, we have two weeks to search for our kitty. We’re working hard to find her every day but Alex did see her last night so we know she’s alive. As long as she’s alive, there’s hope. We’re going to be as positive as we can and we’re not giving up on her.

It sounds like I'm complaining, doesn't it? I don't mean to, it's just been a horrible/terrific week. I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I realize that I have a tremendous amount to be thankful for. But please, if you pray, say a little prayer that our kitty finds her way home. We could use all the help we can get. It might sound silly to some of you but we can’t imagine our family without her.

Thank you so much,

Lauren

Transracial Adoption - Must Read

Hi Everyone,

Harlow's Monkey has a great post encouraging discussion of race issues and parenting. Jae Ran Kim is the author and she's simply amazing. I've learned so much from her blog and would love the chance to see her speak in-person.

Her thoughtful article is here:

http://harlowmonkey.typepad.com/harlows_monkey/2008/06/race-matters-wh.html

Lauren

Our Happy Coincidence

Jamie signed his offer and is leaving for Seoul most likely at the end of the summer. Such good news and we're so proud of him. It has to be scary, picking up your life and moving to a country where don't know the language. I think he's very brave and I admire him for making the move. He's ordered some Korean language CDs from the local library. He's also looking into the ex-pat blog community to see about establishing some connections there (he has a writing/music/political blog).

It's strange how this worked out. He never set out to find a job in Korea but...that's what happened. Out of all of the countries where he could have gone, not to mention the possibilities within the U.S., the fact that he's heading to Seoul is amazing. We never imagined that this would happen but we are so happy this opportunity came about.

So he'll spend the summer wrapping up the details. He's figuring out what he wants to buy to take with him and what he can buy in Seoul. My initial response was wait until you get to Seoul (my thinking was big city, great shopping) but he posted a question on a blog community yesterday: "If I'm a 6'1" man and wear a size 12 shoe, will I be able to buy clothes in Seoul?" He said he received some really nice responses but the answer was definitely "buy before you get here." Really helpful information and I never would have thought of it but I'm not 6'1".

On a purely selfish level, I'm happy for our son and for the connection that I hope he'll have to his uncle. It looks like we'll miss each other in Seoul though as our travel date will probably be end of July/1st week of August.

Congratulations Jamie on this new beginning!

Lauren

Another Family Member in Seoul!

We’ve got great news to share! My brother James is in his final stages of finding a new job and guess where we think he’s going to be? Seoul, South Korea! I can’t even tell you how excited we are and he may even beat us there as we don’t know when we’re traveling to meet Baby JH (we think late-July/early-August).

Jamie (I’m the only one allowed to call him that) didn’t live in Seoul with us because he was born after we moved back to the States. In fact, he’s one of the reasons we moved back when we did as my mom was pregnant with him at the time. I remember blaming him for that when he was a baby too, umm, sorry about that Jamie. The fact that he’ll get to experience Korea as an adult and be able to have this connection to his new nephew is wonderful. He didn’t set out to find a job there and it was pure crazy coincidence, but very happy coincidence! He seems really excited about it too.

On some level, Korea must seem familiar to him. He grew up with Korean culture all around him in our home (as much as we as a family were able to embrace since we were obviously just visitors there). It was a country that my father absolutely loved and still does. But Jamie has never experienced it and his experience as an adult will be different than mine or my father’s. We are simply thrilled for him.

He might be peeved with me that I’m posting this before he’s signed an offer but I’m so happy about it that I’m going to share it anyway. None of his friends read my blog so it’s not like I’m stealing his thunder of announcing a new job.

Good Luck Jamie! We’re pulling for you! And we can’t wait to visit you in Seoul!

Lauren

Working from Home

I'm working from home today, or studying from home since I had a drs. appointment this morning. It's been a busy day! So far we've had sushi for lunch:

And now we're going to spend some time studying molecular biology:

And we're going to take some time to work on our blog too:



Not sure why I'm always behind on work and school....sorry but I needed something light today.

Lauren

Unexpected Gifts

I’ve been a little off lately. Chalk it up to business travel, stress at work, stress at work related to my plans to be on FMLA, sad news from several places, remodeling at home, remodeling accidents at home, worry about Baby JH, worry about his birthparents (how are they doing, do they know he's making progress after such a traumatic birth), worry that he’s going to be sleeping in an old wine box since we didn’t order baby furniture in a timely fashion, worry that every weekend in our summer is pretty much booked, stress over the ridiculous molecular microbiology class I’m taking, questioning whether I am harming the environment by not using cloth diapers, how do I find bsp-free bottles, will we be able to use our United miles to upgrade to Business class to Seoul, how can I get good running time in since it’s gotten so damn hot but I have another half-marathon at the end of August , trying to plan to see friends I miss and family (some of whom I miss), trying to spend quality time with my husband, trying to spend quality time with the Korean Rosetta Stone in hopes that my Korean will come back a bit, etc.

But mostly I’ve been thinking about Baby JH and how he’s spending his days. Is he happy? Is he getting enough attention? Is he progressing and being nurtured? Yes, I know he’s with a wonderful foster family but he’s still so present in my thoughts and I can’t help but wonder (worry) about how he’s doing. I have these crazy random thoughts wondering if his birthmother had the chance to hold him (preemie emergency birth leads me to worry about this). Not sure that anyone other than her will every be able to answer that. Did she get to say goodbye or was he simply whisked away because of his medical needs? I hope, I hope...I hope she had the chance. And I hope she can tell us someday.

Then in the middle of my chaos/anxiety, we received the most wonderful gift. Our adoption agency called to say that they had an updated child study and a new set of recent photographs for us. Apparently they made the request because of his preemie status so that we could have a better idea of his progress. Everything looks really good and he seems to be progressing well even age-adjusted. There are 5-6 photographs where he’s smiling and laughing but the best part is that there are 3-4 pictures of Baby JH with his foster mom. They are incredibly touching. You can see how much she loves him and how he loves her too. These are pictures that we’ll keep forever (we hope to keep in touch with them too).

Foster parents are a blessing. Regardless of where you come down on the pro/con of adoption, the fact that there are families that are willing to care for children until they can go to permanent homes is a positive thing. Our gratitude to Mr. and Mrs. XX is beyond what I can express but I know that Baby JH is in good care and that he’s loved.

We’ll be there soon.

Lauren

Julia

Julia Ji-Hye Mendelson died this week from leukemia. I did not know her personally but knew the pieces of her life she shared on her blog http://juliasworld.wordpress.com/ .

Julia was one of the first blogs that I found when I went in search of adult Korean adoptees and her blog is the one that I returned to time and time again in hopes of finding a new post. Beautifully written, often positive and painful all at once, finding something new on her blog was always a highlight.

I never reached out to her thinking that so many others probably did. Now I wish I had. Just to tell her that I found such beauty and truth in her writing and that I was thankful to have the opportunity to learn from what she shared. More recently, the opportunity to learn more about Julia from what her family and friends have written about her has been a gift.

My heart and my prayers accompany so many others in seeking comfort and peace for Julia and those who loved her.