I’ve been a little off lately. Chalk it up to business travel, stress at work, stress at work related to my plans to be on FMLA, sad news from several places, remodeling at home, remodeling accidents at home, worry about Baby JH, worry about his birthparents (how are they doing, do they know he's making progress after such a traumatic birth), worry that he’s going to be sleeping in an old wine box since we didn’t order baby furniture in a timely fashion, worry that every weekend in our summer is pretty much booked, stress over the ridiculous molecular microbiology class I’m taking, questioning whether I am harming the environment by not using cloth diapers, how do I find bsp-free bottles, will we be able to use our United miles to upgrade to Business class to Seoul, how can I get good running time in since it’s gotten so damn hot but I have another half-marathon at the end of August , trying to plan to see friends I miss and family (some of whom I miss), trying to spend quality time with my husband, trying to spend quality time with the Korean Rosetta Stone in hopes that my Korean will come back a bit, etc.
But mostly I’ve been thinking about Baby JH and how he’s spending his days. Is he happy? Is he getting enough attention? Is he progressing and being nurtured? Yes, I know he’s with a wonderful foster family but he’s still so present in my thoughts and I can’t help but wonder (worry) about how he’s doing. I have these crazy random thoughts wondering if his birthmother had the chance to hold him (preemie emergency birth leads me to worry about this). Not sure that anyone other than her will every be able to answer that. Did she get to say goodbye or was he simply whisked away because of his medical needs? I hope, I hope...I hope she had the chance. And I hope she can tell us someday.
Then in the middle of my chaos/anxiety, we received the most wonderful gift. Our adoption agency called to say that they had an updated child study and a new set of recent photographs for us. Apparently they made the request because of his preemie status so that we could have a better idea of his progress. Everything looks really good and he seems to be progressing well even age-adjusted. There are 5-6 photographs where he’s smiling and laughing but the best part is that there are 3-4 pictures of Baby JH with his foster mom. They are incredibly touching. You can see how much she loves him and how he loves her too. These are pictures that we’ll keep forever (we hope to keep in touch with them too).
Foster parents are a blessing. Regardless of where you come down on the pro/con of adoption, the fact that there are families that are willing to care for children until they can go to permanent homes is a positive thing. Our gratitude to Mr. and Mrs. XX is beyond what I can express but I know that Baby JH is in good care and that he’s loved.
We’ll be there soon.
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